What is unseen

*A personal note: Let me begin this post by speaking to those of you who've committed to praying for me on a daily basis. Your prayers uplift and encourage me and are appreciated more than you could possibly know. Who knows where I'd be without your love, prayers, and support. So, thank you, from the bottom of my heart!


The month of May has come and gone and I haven't gone in for my eye check-up. I know, shame on me. I have good reasons, but not good excuses. I suppose the biggest reason is that I don't really want to know or think about how my eyes are doing. Is ignoring it really a coping mechanism or is it trusting the Lord? Am I just doing what needs to be done each day, the best that I can, in spite of the state of my vision? I hope so.

I believe that sometimes it's easier to just keep going along and not really think about my eyes much, other than the day to day inconveniences they cause me. Each morning I put in my eye drops, knowing that it's taking longer for my foggy vision to clear up, and that eventually it won't clear up at all and I'll need a corneal transplant; two of them. I find the more I think about it, the more my focus is on me instead of God and that hinders me from doing what I should be doing for Him. The irony is that a big part of what I do as a profession and to glorify Him is dependant on my vision. The truth is, each day I'm very aware of my eye problems. My vision, or rather lack of good vision is effecting my business and life more and more and I'm keenly aware of that fact on a daily basis, whether I admit it to myself or not. I've tried to stop talking about it to my family, since there's nothing they can do but pray, there's no reason to burden them with the details; although, I am forced to enlist their help at times to read a street sign or tell me if my image is in sharp focus or not. (here's where money for a camera/lens upgrade would be extremely helpful. Yet another miracle I'm praying for.)

Sometimes I think, "I'm tired of taking pictures." Yet, I know that I love taking pictures and I am not tired of taking them. I think the problem lies more with the struggle of straining to focus, the eye pain and fatigue from the glare of the bright sun or computer monitor, etc... I think I'm just tired of dealing with my eyesight. There's a struggle that goes on with each step of the process of my photography, and life in general, for me. Sometimes I get very frustrated! Sometimes I get mad! Sometimes I get the "poor me's." Yet, what Christ suffered for me is so far beyond what I think of as suffering. I can, after all, still see! Praise the Lord! The pain I have with my eyes (& other parts of my body) are nothing compared to the pain Christ was willing to suffer for me. Wow, I'm such a whiner, hu? What right do I have to complain?

So, speaking of Christ, where does my faith come into all of this? What do I know of God? I know He loves me. I know He sent His Son to die for me. I know He has a plan for my life. I know that His plan is perfect. I know that plan is for my good. I know God is able to heal me. I know that healing may not be in His perfect plan for me. I know He expects me to trust Him. I know He expects me to serve Him. I know He expects me to obey Him. I know He expects me to glorify Him. I could go on and on with this list.

Here's a scripture passage that encouraged me today...

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 "Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

Dear Lord,

Please give me strength to face each daily task and help me to not grow weary of the many struggles that come my way. May the eternal glory you're achieving in me shine bright for others to see. May each image I take point others to you through the glory of your creation. As I await your healing, whether on earth or in heaven, may your plan be completed in me and may this sinful servant be found faithful in your sight, no matter what you choose to do with mine. May the lessons I learn on this journey help me to encourage others going through similar situations in this life. In everything, may your will be done. In Jesus precious name, Amen

So, it would seem that my biggest reason for not going to the eye doctor is fear. Not a good reason. Okay, okay, I'll make an eye appointment! Sheesh.

"Fickle Fuchs"

Fuchs is often referred to as fickle Fuchs because the symptoms can be so unpredictable and vary so much person to person. The disease typically begins progressing in a person's 60's or later, but there are teenagers who present with symptoms. It is genetic, but some people never have any symptoms at all, while other family member's progresses to the point where corneal transplants are necessary or blindness will ensue.

It is also fickle within each person. The fluctuation and changes in my eyes on a daily basis are amazing. Some mornings things look very foggy and others...not so much. Some mornings my eyes are VERY watery, and others...not so much. Some mornings my eyes are VERY sensitive to light and others...not so much. Some mornings I can read from my large print Bible, other mornings...not so much. Some mornings my sight clears up pretty well by noon or early afternoon, some days...not so much.

I really don't have days where I can go outdoors without my dark sunglasses anymore; at least not without my eyes watering and burning really bad and hurting and getting a migraine. This makes it hard to do photography sometimes. There are days where I must wear my sunglasses indoors, as well, especially if the lighting is flourescent. Some stores are really painful on my eyes.

Some days even with my eye drops they don't ever totally clear up, now. That's normal as the disease progresses. It takes longer and longer for them to clear as the corneal swelling goes down until enough cells die that they cannot dry up and the fog, and watering and poor eyesight continue and blindness is eminent unless a corneal transplant or divine healing happens. That's just the nature of this beast. I won't mention the painful breaking blisters that come along with that extra retention in the cornea because that will get me down unnecessarily. I may not have to get to that stage, and I'm not there now. So, I will not borrow trouble from tomorrow.

"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life." Matthew 6:26-27

God instructs me not to worry. He loves me and will take care of me no matter what happens. I am very valuable to Him. (I know I just quoted these verses in the last post, but they are very special to me and God keeps bringing them to my mind and comforting my heart with them.)

Since there's only so much I can do about my eyes and symptoms, I will just keep taking advantage of my good days and rely on my audio Bible and such the other days. I will continue to trust the Lord and do His work as I wait on Him.

"The Voice of Truth"

This is the video of a song that speaks to me. It encourages me on this journey. Not just Fuchs', but life in general.

This song, helps give me the strength to face another day: When I feel trampled on and attacked. When I'm overwhelmed and feeling so helpless. When everything seems to be going wrong and I feel like a failure in all that I do. When I know there's nothing I can do to help someone that I love with something they are going through. When Satan puts lies in my head. When my tears become so numerous that I feel like I may drown in them.

May this song encourage you as it does me.

"There is Joy"

I've had a couple of bad vision days recently and am also struggling with a bit of depression. Satan tried to deter me from going to church this morning. I really wanted to just drop my kids off and go back home and crawl back into bed. But I didn't let him win. Take that, satan!

I'm so glad I went to church. The music is always great, but one of the songs was especially uplifting for me to sing today. It goes like this...

In The Presence of the Lord

There is joy, there is joy,
There is joy in the presence of the Lord.
There is joy that's full, there is joy that's free;
There is joy in the presence of the Lord.

There is peace, there is peace,
There is peace in the presence of the Lord.
There is perfect peace when I rest in Him,
There is peace in the presence of the Lord.

There is love, there is love,
There is love in the presence of the Lord.
There is love that's real no matter how I feel,
There is love in the presence of the Lord.

Stand and sing, stand and sing,
Stand and sing in the presence of the Lord.
Stand and sing your praise to the risen King;
Stand and sing in the presence of the Lord.

Another thing that was a real blessing to me today was that before my husband left to go out of town for the week, (at 3am this morning) he left post-it notes all over the place! One on the bathroom mirror that reads, "I love you!" One on the coffee pot (that was ready to brew when I got up this morning, just like it is nearly every morning) that reads, "Just for you, babe!" One in the refridgerator that reads, "I'm thinking of you." One in the car that reads, "Miss me yet?" I'm sure I'll find more througout the week. He's so sweet! I am so blessed to have such a wonderful man for a husband. He even left some just for our girls in their rooms/bathroom.

Anyway, I just thought I'd share that with you all. It's so good to be reminded that even in hard times we can have joy, peace, love and rest in the presence of the Lord and in the blessings He bestows upon us. Simple truths of God's character! He is always the same, no matter how I feel! I praise Him for that!

"Shut Windows"

I found a poem this morning that I believe can be beneficial to all. Sometimes our sight is good throughout life. Not everyone has eye problems. Not everyone with Fuchs' totally loses their sight before having it restored through corneal transplants. Some eyes are supernaturally healed. Some people are born blind and are blind throughout life, with no option of transplants. Whatever your degree of blindness or renewed vision, I believe this poem is uplifting.

It makes me think of that song, "Open our eyes, Lord, we want to see Jesus..." I always close my eyes when I sing that song. Why is that? Well, when we shut, or cannot see with, our literal eyes it enables us to close out everything else, open the eyes of our heart and just focus on Him. There's the other song, "Open the eyes of my heart, Lord, open the eyes of my heart, I want to see you." I can't sing that with my eyes open either and what a blessing that is! To truly see Him! Just Him! Whether blind or sighted, if only for a moment in our busy day, or for each and every moment of our busy day. To see Him, to know Him, to trust Him, to experience Him, to serve Him, to love Him...to see...Him.

"Shut Windows"

When the outer eye grows dim,

turns the inner eye towards Him

who makes the darkness light.

Fairer visions you may see,

Live in nobler company

And in larger liberty

Than the men of sight.

He sometimes shuts the windows but to open hidden doors,

Where all who will may wander bold and free,

For His house has many mansions, and the mansions many floors,

And every room is free to you and me.

~John Oxenham~