Hindered

One of my favorite things of the year is photographing Vacation Bible School for our church. We hold outdoor Bible schools in four locations, with three in the morning and one at night. My "job" is to go around and photograph at each of the locations.

This year I was sick in bed all day on Monday, so I already missed a whole day of moments. In spite of my recent check up, I can tell that my eyes have indeed declined this year. There are things that "fuchies" (people with fuchs) see and deal with, that aren't indicated by a certain vision number like 20/40, etc... Last year, I wore my sunglasses, but had them up on my head most of the time so I could see to take the pictures. I photographed at all the locations and didn't have the pain and migraines like I had this year from the sun and glare on my eyes. I even had to take Thursady off from photographing because my eyes hurt so much and I had to rest them. They are dryer than last year, too. This is especially troubling for me as an outdoor photographer!

As a result, I didn't get nearly the number of pictures this year and I missed so many moments. (the worker kids water balloon fight, the set ups and take downs, etc...) I went home early from our end of VBS party, too. I just couldn't do it anymore. (I was also under some emotional stress this year that added to it) I missed the goodbyes with the teams that had come to help us for the week and everything. This saddens me greatly as does the fact that I didn't get to know everyone as well as in past years.

Of course, it doesn't end there. Being a digital photographer, more time must be spent uploading, backing up, keywording and post processing the images; yet another strain on my eyes. I'm still working on them and it's taking longer than usual.

I was hindered in my ministry this year but I know God will bless what I was able to capture, for His glory! I also know that God will somehow use me and what I'm dealing with to help someone else either now or in the future. I'm excited about that!

For those of you who are prayer warriors, please pray for my friend Tanda that's having eye surgery on July 30 at 11:30am. I know she must be somewhat nervous and especially knowing someone else must lose their life in order for her to have renewed vision.

Tanda, if you are reading this, please know that when my dad died, we received notice that not one, but two people regained their vision because of his donation. It was a great comfort to us to know that because of him someone else's life was made better.

Good News!

Well, I was sick on the 24th so I rescheduled for July 1st. So, today I went in for my eye appointment. Good news! My eyes have remained pretty stable since this time last year. So the saying, "prepare for the worst, expect the best" has done me well once again.

Dr. Grigg used a cool, new machine that takes an xray type image of your eye. I think it's actually a retna machine, but you can see all sorts of things and layers of the eye, if you know what to look for. haha Mine is a slightly blurry or hazy image due to the effects of the Fuchs on my cornea. The image is in color, too, or it can be changed to black and white! Awesome. Other than the Fuchs, my eyes are in good health. My prescription hasn't changed for my glasses, so I didn't have to get new ones. They only really work in the morning to early afternoon anyway. Once I get a thickness measurement, I'll know a little better how my eyes are actually doing regarding the Fuchs, but in the meantime I will thank God for His goodness to me and that I can still see the flowers in bloom (click on "flowers in bloom" to see a flower slide show) this summer!

I won't bore you with the details, but he explained how my eyes can be swollen from retaining fluids, yet still dry at the same time. Made a lot of sense to me.

Just so you all know, I would recommend Dr. Grigg and his office to anyone needing an optometrist. Even though he's not a corneal specialist or opthomologist, he recognized right away that I may have Fuchs and referred me to a specialist for my second opinion. He has taken extra time and care with me and my specific situation. He truly cares about his patients. He's even been on my blog to read up on how I'm doing and that says a lot in this age of in-and-out doctors where they try to see as many patients as they possibly can with the least amount of time and care possible. Anyway, click on his name, this blog title or on the link in my Helpful Links list to go to his website. He and his wife are actually both doctors there. It's kinda funny because I see the Mr. and my husband sees the Mrs. So, you'll have to ask my husband what he thinks of her, but I would have to guess that she's just as caring about her patients as her husband.

With our summer so busy, I am looking at August or September to go see the corneal specialist. I'll update when I get that appointment set.

Appointment

I now have an appointment with my regular eye doctor on Wednesday the 24th. at 9:20am. Now, to coordinate with my husband, a date for a trip to the corneal specialist/surgeon about 4 hours away...

What is unseen

*A personal note: Let me begin this post by speaking to those of you who've committed to praying for me on a daily basis. Your prayers uplift and encourage me and are appreciated more than you could possibly know. Who knows where I'd be without your love, prayers, and support. So, thank you, from the bottom of my heart!


The month of May has come and gone and I haven't gone in for my eye check-up. I know, shame on me. I have good reasons, but not good excuses. I suppose the biggest reason is that I don't really want to know or think about how my eyes are doing. Is ignoring it really a coping mechanism or is it trusting the Lord? Am I just doing what needs to be done each day, the best that I can, in spite of the state of my vision? I hope so.

I believe that sometimes it's easier to just keep going along and not really think about my eyes much, other than the day to day inconveniences they cause me. Each morning I put in my eye drops, knowing that it's taking longer for my foggy vision to clear up, and that eventually it won't clear up at all and I'll need a corneal transplant; two of them. I find the more I think about it, the more my focus is on me instead of God and that hinders me from doing what I should be doing for Him. The irony is that a big part of what I do as a profession and to glorify Him is dependant on my vision. The truth is, each day I'm very aware of my eye problems. My vision, or rather lack of good vision is effecting my business and life more and more and I'm keenly aware of that fact on a daily basis, whether I admit it to myself or not. I've tried to stop talking about it to my family, since there's nothing they can do but pray, there's no reason to burden them with the details; although, I am forced to enlist their help at times to read a street sign or tell me if my image is in sharp focus or not. (here's where money for a camera/lens upgrade would be extremely helpful. Yet another miracle I'm praying for.)

Sometimes I think, "I'm tired of taking pictures." Yet, I know that I love taking pictures and I am not tired of taking them. I think the problem lies more with the struggle of straining to focus, the eye pain and fatigue from the glare of the bright sun or computer monitor, etc... I think I'm just tired of dealing with my eyesight. There's a struggle that goes on with each step of the process of my photography, and life in general, for me. Sometimes I get very frustrated! Sometimes I get mad! Sometimes I get the "poor me's." Yet, what Christ suffered for me is so far beyond what I think of as suffering. I can, after all, still see! Praise the Lord! The pain I have with my eyes (& other parts of my body) are nothing compared to the pain Christ was willing to suffer for me. Wow, I'm such a whiner, hu? What right do I have to complain?

So, speaking of Christ, where does my faith come into all of this? What do I know of God? I know He loves me. I know He sent His Son to die for me. I know He has a plan for my life. I know that His plan is perfect. I know that plan is for my good. I know God is able to heal me. I know that healing may not be in His perfect plan for me. I know He expects me to trust Him. I know He expects me to serve Him. I know He expects me to obey Him. I know He expects me to glorify Him. I could go on and on with this list.

Here's a scripture passage that encouraged me today...

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 "Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

Dear Lord,

Please give me strength to face each daily task and help me to not grow weary of the many struggles that come my way. May the eternal glory you're achieving in me shine bright for others to see. May each image I take point others to you through the glory of your creation. As I await your healing, whether on earth or in heaven, may your plan be completed in me and may this sinful servant be found faithful in your sight, no matter what you choose to do with mine. May the lessons I learn on this journey help me to encourage others going through similar situations in this life. In everything, may your will be done. In Jesus precious name, Amen

So, it would seem that my biggest reason for not going to the eye doctor is fear. Not a good reason. Okay, okay, I'll make an eye appointment! Sheesh.

"The Latest..."

I haven't done an update yet this year, so here goes...

I think my eyes are pretty much on a slow decline, but I will find out for sure in May since that's my next check up. It is getting increasingly hard to do what I love to do, take pictures outdoors.

I'm so thankful for my digital camera and it's autofocus capabilities, which can sometimes be a lifesaver for me. It can also fail me, though and then it's frustrating to see that it lost focus and what I thought would be nice sharp images, weren't. I'm hoping to upgrade my camera to one with a larger LCD screen, which will be helpful.

I'm having to wait longer in the day to do certain things and even then, there are things that don't come into full focus for me. That was the case with my last update, and I'm not sure how much worse it is now, than then.

My headaches are more frequent, especially set off by bright light or too much time on the computer.

So, I will just keep on keeping on and doing what God wants me to do. Love and serve Him. I guess that's all for this update.

"Fickle Fuchs"

Fuchs is often referred to as fickle Fuchs because the symptoms can be so unpredictable and vary so much person to person. The disease typically begins progressing in a person's 60's or later, but there are teenagers who present with symptoms. It is genetic, but some people never have any symptoms at all, while other family member's progresses to the point where corneal transplants are necessary or blindness will ensue.

It is also fickle within each person. The fluctuation and changes in my eyes on a daily basis are amazing. Some mornings things look very foggy and others...not so much. Some mornings my eyes are VERY watery, and others...not so much. Some mornings my eyes are VERY sensitive to light and others...not so much. Some mornings I can read from my large print Bible, other mornings...not so much. Some mornings my sight clears up pretty well by noon or early afternoon, some days...not so much.

I really don't have days where I can go outdoors without my dark sunglasses anymore; at least not without my eyes watering and burning really bad and hurting and getting a migraine. This makes it hard to do photography sometimes. There are days where I must wear my sunglasses indoors, as well, especially if the lighting is flourescent. Some stores are really painful on my eyes.

Some days even with my eye drops they don't ever totally clear up, now. That's normal as the disease progresses. It takes longer and longer for them to clear as the corneal swelling goes down until enough cells die that they cannot dry up and the fog, and watering and poor eyesight continue and blindness is eminent unless a corneal transplant or divine healing happens. That's just the nature of this beast. I won't mention the painful breaking blisters that come along with that extra retention in the cornea because that will get me down unnecessarily. I may not have to get to that stage, and I'm not there now. So, I will not borrow trouble from tomorrow.

"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life." Matthew 6:26-27

God instructs me not to worry. He loves me and will take care of me no matter what happens. I am very valuable to Him. (I know I just quoted these verses in the last post, but they are very special to me and God keeps bringing them to my mind and comforting my heart with them.)

Since there's only so much I can do about my eyes and symptoms, I will just keep taking advantage of my good days and rely on my audio Bible and such the other days. I will continue to trust the Lord and do His work as I wait on Him.

Obama's Brilliant Plan-Socialized Medicine

Well, I was thinking...maybe too much, about Obama and this coming January and the next four years. It's quite scary to think of what he may do to this country, it's citizens, taxes, economy and who knows what else.

The future of my eyesight is at stake here, and that's no comforting thought. To think that I may need a corneal transplant in the next four years and yet not be able to get it because of socialized medicine. I may go blind waiting for the doctor or donor tissue I need if our health care changes dramatically. I used to think HMO's were bad and that we didn't have much say over our health care with those, but what Obama plans to do will make HMO's look desirable! This type of plan has failed in so many other countries, so why in the world does he think it's a good plan for "free" America? Well, that's a whole other blog post for a different type of blog.

It's a good thing I know the Lord and that He has a plan to prosper and not to harm me. I thank the Lord that my sight is in His hands and I can trust my future to Him, because otherwise I might tend to worry myself sick over the future and the coming administration of Obama.

"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life." Matthew 6:26-27

I love these verses. They give me such comfort! I know that faith in God will get me through whatever lies ahead for me and for our country.

"Finally spoke with the Corneal Specialist"

Today I finally got a call from the corneal specialist that had been recommended to me by someone whose transplant was done by him. From looking over my chart from my eye Dr, he doesn't seem to think that I'm quite ready for the transplant, yet, unless my vision deteriorates a lot in the next year. He says that my Dr. can still get my eyes to 20/20 with glasses. He can't see what I see, though, so I'm not so sure I agree with him. On the other hand, he hasn't seen me for himself and I still don't have a corneal thickness reading.

He says that the full transplant will make my cornea an irregular shape, like a football at least, but sometimes even more severely distorted. He said that sometimes a hard corrective lens is needed after the surgery. (I already have astigmatism, but only slight) He also said that it usually causes near or far sightedness, which I don't have right now, and would need glasses or corrective lenses for that.

He told me a bunch more about Fuchs that I already knew, but I listened to see how knowledgeable he is about it. He seems to really know what he's talking about, or at least confirm most of what I already was able to find out through research and my online support group.

He seems to think because I am a photographer, I should not rush into the surgery too soon as my vision may be worse than it is now and harder to correct. I guess I'll keep tracking my symptoms and be in prayer about it.

"Fuchs Corneal Swelling and diet"

I wonder...if diet can affect corneal edema in "fuchies." (aka: people who have Fuchs.) Or, at least for me because I'm also a Celiac (aka: someone who's allergic to wheat gluten) and tend to retain water everywhere when I eat wheat. So, maybe it makes my even my Fuchs symptoms worse when I cheat and eat wheat...as I did yesterday. You see, I'm having a bad vision day today and yesterday I ate not just wheat gluten, but also salty foods...leading to water retention. It does make logical sense and would explain why some days I wake up with very little corneal swelling and very little watery eyes and other days I awaken to a very hazy house and very watery eyes. Hmmmmmmmm. I wonder...

"Called Again"

I called my eye doctor last week to make sure they had sent the files to the corneal specialist, and let them know that I still haven't heard from him. They ended up calling him and he does have the questions I emailed to him. They are at his house and he's supposed to call me.