He said, "Think Positive"

"Think positive" he said, "it could be just a fluctuation." Bless his heart, my eye doctor, he always tries to be so encouraging. I tried to think positive but by the time I got back to my truck, I was in tears. I will try to think positive but more than that, I will pray; but the reality is that my eye disease is most likely progressing. The corneal swelling I've been experiencing in my left eye has been causing my glasses to be somewhat bothersome & even useless; between my blurry vision, eye strain and headaches. There's more guttata than at my last check up and the cornea in my left eye is swollen quite a bit. The doctor suggested I stay hydrated & take my hydration drops, too. I think it's time to get my cell count and cornea thickness checked by a specialist. Fun stuff.

UGH!!! Do you mind if I just say that as I also await results of skin biopsy this week, that I am feeling a little picked on? Good. I know God has a plan and that plan is for ultimate good. I also know that other people have it a whole lot worse than I. Still, I'm only human and continue to have human emotions. So often what I know about God and His work in my life and what I feel, differ. That's why it's so important that I act on Truth, not feeling. Easy to say, hard to do.

I heard someone say on Christian radio this week, that our lives are like making a batch of cookies. Each individual ingredient doesn't always taste good on it's own just as situations in our lives can seem bad at times, yet when they are all mixed together it produces something very desirable. I am looking forward to my life becoming that yummy cookie. In the meantime, I will continue to try to learn from the experiences and challenges God allows for my growth, pray for healing and if God chooses not to heal me, I know He'll be with me through what awaits me with cornea transplants and such. I will take my emotions to God in prayer again, cry a puddle at His feet and trust Him for the future and to love and comfort me today.

"May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant." Psalm 119:76

Skin biopsy update: benign! Praise the Lord!

Hindered

One of my favorite things of the year is photographing Vacation Bible School for our church. We hold outdoor Bible schools in four locations, with three in the morning and one at night. My "job" is to go around and photograph at each of the locations.

This year I was sick in bed all day on Monday, so I already missed a whole day of moments. In spite of my recent check up, I can tell that my eyes have indeed declined this year. There are things that "fuchies" (people with fuchs) see and deal with, that aren't indicated by a certain vision number like 20/40, etc... Last year, I wore my sunglasses, but had them up on my head most of the time so I could see to take the pictures. I photographed at all the locations and didn't have the pain and migraines like I had this year from the sun and glare on my eyes. I even had to take Thursady off from photographing because my eyes hurt so much and I had to rest them. They are dryer than last year, too. This is especially troubling for me as an outdoor photographer!

As a result, I didn't get nearly the number of pictures this year and I missed so many moments. (the worker kids water balloon fight, the set ups and take downs, etc...) I went home early from our end of VBS party, too. I just couldn't do it anymore. (I was also under some emotional stress this year that added to it) I missed the goodbyes with the teams that had come to help us for the week and everything. This saddens me greatly as does the fact that I didn't get to know everyone as well as in past years.

Of course, it doesn't end there. Being a digital photographer, more time must be spent uploading, backing up, keywording and post processing the images; yet another strain on my eyes. I'm still working on them and it's taking longer than usual.

I was hindered in my ministry this year but I know God will bless what I was able to capture, for His glory! I also know that God will somehow use me and what I'm dealing with to help someone else either now or in the future. I'm excited about that!

For those of you who are prayer warriors, please pray for my friend Tanda that's having eye surgery on July 30 at 11:30am. I know she must be somewhat nervous and especially knowing someone else must lose their life in order for her to have renewed vision.

Tanda, if you are reading this, please know that when my dad died, we received notice that not one, but two people regained their vision because of his donation. It was a great comfort to us to know that because of him someone else's life was made better.