Summary of 1st surgery & 2nd surgery in 4 days!

Well, it's time for another surgery and I never finished blogging about the first one.  I will write a short summary to update you all, but will have to leave out some amazing details.

My DSAEK turned out to be a DSEK.  Not a huge difference, just that the automated cutting of the donor tissue is eliminated with the DSEK.  It went well.  I began to panic a bit during the surgery as I felt a bit of pain so they ended up putting me into a deeper sleep.  That's the last thing I remembered.  The recovery was the worst part.  Due to chronic back, neck and jaw pain from injuries sustained in a car accident in 2003, the lying on my back for the first 24 hours after surgery was horrible!  Excruciating pain!  I finally got the right amount of meds to be able to sleep, but every 3 or 4 hours, I woke up in pain.  I was only allowed to be up for 20 minutes to use the restroom and eat.  Then, it was down 2 hours, up 2 hours for a few days.  That was more bearable.  The day after surgery, I went in for my post-op appointment and they took the bandages off.  It's not like in the movies where they take them off and you can miraculously see clearly, although I could see more than most people see that soon.  20/200 was my vision.

My vision was slowly improving, but at my 3 month, it has dropped from 20/40 to 20/70.  Not good.  There were no other signs of rejection or anything though.  No obvious reason for the change and even though I could see better in the exam room, the glasses didn't seem to help at all out in the lobby.  This was discouraging.  They were beginning to suspect the graft had failed and the possibility of a re-do on the same eye, rather than doing my other eye was discouraging but real.

A few weeks ago, I got checked again and the glasses are now helping, Praise God!  Not as much far away, but very clear for reading and seeing road signs and such for driving.  I'm hoping to get my other eye done this Tuesday.  I will see what Dr. Terry says at my pre-op appointment and 6 month check up on my surgery eye.  He was wanting to do a DMEK rather than a DSEK when the glasses weren't working.  I will make my final decision after getting his opinion.  Please pray for that decision, that the choice would be obvious by then.  The DMEK requires tilting the head back off the bed as well as the lying on the back for the first 24 hours and then the 2hrs up and 2 hours down is for more days.  There's also a chance of needing re-bubbles (from the tissue not adhering as well-my mom had 3) which puts you back to mostly down and 20 minutes up for a break and eat.  My mother was lying down for a full 10 days with her second DMEK.  I really don't want to go through that.  I do have meds though to hopefully help me get through whatever is necessary.  I know God will help me.  My husband will be there with me again.  He will read to me, get me whatever I need, make our meals, etc... He is such a blessing.  I thank God for him.  Well, that's my update for now.

Please continue to pray for me and for us as we travel.  Maybe my husband can update my blog for me.  We'll see.  I would love to hear from friends and family while I'm there.  Message me on facebook for the address.  :)

Peaceful-5 Days before DSAEK Surgery

1/31/13 Thursday

Well, I’m now 5 days away from my surgery.  I haven’t been worried about the roads like I was before I started praying, in faith, for God to make clear, safe paths through the mountains for us.  Now and then a tiny worry will enter my mind and I just say, “Nope, God will clear the way and be with us.  There is nothing to worry about.” Same with the surgery.  I know so many people are praying for me…I really can feel it, a total peace from God. It’s awesome!  I’m excited to see better, even though it will be one or more months before it clears up for good vision after the surgery.

Surgery Date

Well, the time has come and I now have a surgery date for my first corneal transplant.  The date is February 5th. 2013, in Portland with Dr. Mark Terry who was the first in the U.S. to do this type of surgery and has a success rate well into the 90% range.  My husband and I will be staying in Portland for 7-14 days before returning home, depending on how things go. 

I was just approved for pre-existing health insurance.  What a huge praise!  Our costs have gone from $60,000+ to more like $12,000-ish.  (for both eye surgeries) Of course, now we're praying for provision for that amount, since we don't have it.  I am hoping to get both eyes done in 2013. We know that God will provide and give us wisdom for how we can pay for the expenses.

Now that it's a go, I've been somewhat anxious, especially since it all happens with me being awake!  Yep, awake!  I know this is something I cannot do, so God will have to enable me when the time comes.  I had to be put out just to get my wisdom teeth out, so the thought of my eye being cut open and a layer of my cornea being peeled off like wallpaper and a new layer of donor tissue put on, is beyond me.  

Then, there's the donor tissue.  I'm so thankful for it, yet so sad for the donor family.  At the same time, I remember in my grief after my father died, getting a letter notifying us that two people had regained their sight due to my dad's donor eye tissue.  I burst into tears, but it made me so happy to know that his death helped someone else.  So, maybe that fact will give a little solace to the donor family and me as well.  I will be praying for them. I sure never thought I'd find myself in this position back then.  

My mother recently had cornea transplants in both of her eyes and she is doing well and seeing better than she has in her whole life.  Her procedure, called a DMEK, was a little different than mine will be and my outcome will more than likely not be as good (she's seeing 20/25 without correction and she just had her first surgery in late June and the second in late September);  the reason for the differing outcomes is that they are removing the same amount of my tissue, but replacing it with a thicker layer of the donor tissue, resulting in my cornea ultimately being thicker than it was originally. (called a DSAEK)  The recovery time is longer as well.  Months as opposed to weeks.  This is still better than the full transplants they used to do, which took 18 months or so to recover from.

I guess that concludes my update. Please keep me in prayer as the time gets closer for my surgery.  I know God will be with me and has my best in mind.

Re: Progression Check Up

Some days you just want to go back to bed & stay there; or even better, for Jesus to return. Today has been one of those days for me.

I went to see a corneal specialist to check on the progression of my Fuch's. I've tried to stay positive, but what I pretty much knew, was confirmed. My Fuch's is continuing to progress and I am now facing some decisions regarding getting the first of two corneal transplants sooner, rather than later; like within the next year. :(

I nearly broke down in sobs as they tried to explain there's nothing more they can do with my prescription to help me see any better. In fact, my eyesight isn't much different with my glasses than without. I held the emotions down at the time and now those emotions are just stuck until I finally do break down, but my heart is heavy over this. I just feel like I'm in a fog. It's like the death of a loved one who's been terminally ill for a while. You knew the end was coming, but when it does you're still in shock. That's how I feel. I know God will get me through this as He has so many other majorly difficult things in this life, but sometimes I just feel a bit overwhelmed. It's tough being a human.

I got my corneal thickness checked for the first time. This is one of the best indicators of where you are with the disease. They are about 20% thicker than normal. They also tried to check my cell count (cells die off with this disease), but were unable to get a reading due to the thickness of my cornea.

There are basically three options for me. 1) Do nothing...and continue to go blind. (not fun so far) 2) Some type of partial corneal transplant. (there are several, but haven't been around very long) 3) A full corneal transplant. (Been around a long time, but some doctors won't even do them. There are other factors, too. All the surgeries have possible risks and all have possible benefits. Next week I will be going to Portland for another appointment with another corneal specialist. My husband is driving both myself and my mother, as she also has this disease. Fuch's is hereditary, so if anyone reading this is related to my mother's birth father, please get checked out for this disease. You have a 50/50 chance of developing it now or in the future, as do your children. I will do another update after my appointment next week.

You can't tell by looking at me that I have this disease, nor can you tell how the world looks to me. If you'd like to see examples of how I see, CLICK HERE. These examples are not exactly how I see. Some are far worse and some are better or just different. That's the nature of this disease. The symptoms can vary greatly from person to person.

As you can imagine, seeing like this is causing quite a number of difficulties with my photography, which is much of the reason I've not been updating my blogs or facebook page much in the past year or so and have had to turn down jobs. It's so frustrating when I can't tell if the image is in sharp focus, has enough contrast or saturation, etc...and it's very difficult to shoot outdoors due to the glare issues this disease has caused me. Upgrading my equipment, would help with the capturing side of the images, (money I don't have especially looking at possible surgery) but I may still need to find someone to post-process or tell me how my adjustments look as I do them, until...idk.

For now, I just need your prayers and support. Thanks for reading and caring.

He said, "Think Positive"

"Think positive" he said, "it could be just a fluctuation." Bless his heart, my eye doctor, he always tries to be so encouraging. I tried to think positive but by the time I got back to my truck, I was in tears. I will try to think positive but more than that, I will pray; but the reality is that my eye disease is most likely progressing. The corneal swelling I've been experiencing in my left eye has been causing my glasses to be somewhat bothersome & even useless; between my blurry vision, eye strain and headaches. There's more guttata than at my last check up and the cornea in my left eye is swollen quite a bit. The doctor suggested I stay hydrated & take my hydration drops, too. I think it's time to get my cell count and cornea thickness checked by a specialist. Fun stuff.

UGH!!! Do you mind if I just say that as I also await results of skin biopsy this week, that I am feeling a little picked on? Good. I know God has a plan and that plan is for ultimate good. I also know that other people have it a whole lot worse than I. Still, I'm only human and continue to have human emotions. So often what I know about God and His work in my life and what I feel, differ. That's why it's so important that I act on Truth, not feeling. Easy to say, hard to do.

I heard someone say on Christian radio this week, that our lives are like making a batch of cookies. Each individual ingredient doesn't always taste good on it's own just as situations in our lives can seem bad at times, yet when they are all mixed together it produces something very desirable. I am looking forward to my life becoming that yummy cookie. In the meantime, I will continue to try to learn from the experiences and challenges God allows for my growth, pray for healing and if God chooses not to heal me, I know He'll be with me through what awaits me with cornea transplants and such. I will take my emotions to God in prayer again, cry a puddle at His feet and trust Him for the future and to love and comfort me today.

"May your unfailing love be my comfort, according to your promise to your servant." Psalm 119:76

Skin biopsy update: benign! Praise the Lord!

Symptom Update...

I figured I'd do a symptom update and what I'm doing to combat them...

*Trouble reading road signs/fast food menus/printed material/Bible-Try to take someone with me if I need to see street names and eat at home. haha Got new, stronger reading glasses for close-up, reading and computer work. These work sometimes, depending on what my eyes are doing.

*Eye pain, with bright/fluorescent light-I wear my dark, polarized sunglasses with lining that keeps light from getting in. These are especially fun during hot flashes when they totally fog over. Unfortunately, I can't wear them when I'm in the field so this makes taking pictures very difficult.


*Burning/watering eyes-Most of the time, especially with florescent light or bright sunlight or snowy conditions. Worse when allergies are acting up.-Wear my sunglasses. Use eye drops.

*Imaginary moving objects/shadows-While driving-Nothing helps with that.

*Imaginary moving objects/shadows-In the house-Nothing helps with that.

*Watery eyes in AM-Taking MSM eye drops to help with drying them up, some.

*Hazy vision-MSM eye drops help some with this.

* blurry vision-Glasses for reading. Can't use them when I take pictures, though.

*Swollen corneas-Again, taking MSM eye drops to help with drying them up and swelling go down.

*Halos-around street lights and light bulbs-Nothing helps with that.

*Glare-night driving, computer screen, back lit objects & off metal objects-especially sun glaring off cars-I try not to drive at night, especially if it's raining.

*Dry Eyes-Dry, gritty and burning. Wetting drops help some with that.

*Feeling of foreign matter in my eye and occasional feelings of sharp pain (like a prick) that quickly subsides.-Nothing helps with that.

The "eyes" have it...again!

I've put off writing this post for a while...

As I write this, my Fuch's symptoms have returned after about a month of clear eyesight. In my humanness, I can only ask "why?" and pray that they may go away again. I know God doesn't mind me asking, as long as I continue to trust in Him and know that everything He allows, He allows for His perfect and greater purpose in my life and for His glory.

Although I'm saddened and frustrated to have this "thorn" back in my flesh, I am truly thankful for the time I had with clear vision. There is a song that keeps going through my mind regarding this situation, it's a praise song that we sing at church. They lyrics say, "You give and take away, you give and take away. My heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be your name. Blessed be the name of the Lord, blessed be the Lord."

So, what do I mean by Lord? Usually, we refer to God as Lord, God our Father, etc...when we pray. There are many names in the Bible, for God. God refers to Himself with many other titles. The names reflect His character, purposes, and His attributes. God reveals His power and glory to His people through His names.

One of my favorite names for God is Jehovah-Rophe or Jehovah-Rapha,"the Lord God heals." (Psalm 147:3) It means to restore something to its original or normal state. God wants to heal us. However, it's not always a physical healing we need the most. Because of sin, we all need spiritual healing and sometimes we need emotional healing. Our 'land' may even need to be healed.

Another one of my favorite names for God is "El Roi." El Roi is "the God of seeing." He sees everything. This name may be used to ask God to reveal something to us by opening our spiritual eyes. God sees it all. The God who sees, or El Roi means that God sees the suffering and afflictions of His people. He will help us if we are humble and call upon Him. (Hebrews 2:18)

These are two of the names of God that I have chosen to call upon in my life, for I have needed spiritual healing. I've had many physical afflictions and even some emotional things from which I've needed healing. The Lord is faithful and has been with me through thick and thin. Do I always "feel" His presence? No, but I know He is there. Each time I pray and read His word, I have experienced God. If God chooses to permanently heal my eyes, I will give Him glory; and if He chooses not to...I will give Him glory.

Either way, I continue to choose to glorify God, experience Him and His work in my life and I will wait in expectation to see what He will do next, in and through me.

Stay tuned...

HUGE PRAISE and Symptom Update-October 2009

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:14

When I prayed for healing, I didn't expect it to come this way, but God seldom works the way we think He should. That's why He's God. His ways are not our ways. Let me explain...

On October 27th 2009, I still had all of the symptoms of fuchs that are listed here in the black text and, barring healing, most likely had two corneal transplants or blindness to look forward to in my future. In the afternoon of Oct. 27th, I had my first spinal adjustment by Dr. Mix-Stork, using the NUCCA method. It was VERY GENTLE; in fact, I hardly noticed it other than I could feel a releasing of pressure sensation in my neck where she was applying the adjustment. The next two days I noticed changes to my eyes.

By the 30th, my eyes were totally clear upon awakening and I could tell my corneas weren't swollen and they weren't watery. Apparently, my spinal cord has been compressed or pinched for at least the past 6 years since my car accident, causing a plethura of physical maladies; my eye symtoms among them. Upon releasing that pressure, my fuchs symptoms have all seemed to have reversed themselves. Most of them are gone, the rest are due to my having an astigmatism, so my eyes are back to pre-car accident state at any rate.

I have not been to the eye Dr, yet, so I cannot say definitively that my fuchs is gone, but I can say that all the symptoms I was having are gone or decreased. I am praising God for this change as it is He who created our wonderous bodies to be able to heal themselves. Due to the car accident, my body needed a little help, but it's now untwisting itself with the help of regular adjustments keeping my spine in alignment, until it can keep it there on its own. I do give credit to Dr. Mix-Stork who is so caring and so skilled in what she does. Please call her for a consult if you're anywhere near her offices. (her husband Dr. Stork, is also practicing in the same office)

Please note that this method of chiropractic is nothing like the traditional kind that takes care of symptoms temporarily with painful adjustments. I know all about that kind, having gone to them since the age of 13! The changes to my eyes are just the beginning of my healing. So many more symptoms are being alieviated with no surgery or drugs, including constant and often debilitating pain in my neck, back and jaw. As an outdoor photographer ,this was quite frustrating and depressing; especially when I was unable to do and go where I needed to, for the shot I wanted or needed to get. I was also sick and/or fatigued all the time, and one day of photography would often wipe me out for days or even weeks. I already feel years younger and now look forward to a more active and productive life.

To those of you who've been faithfully praying for me, thank you so much! Please be sure to now praise and thank the Lord for this healing He's done and is doing in my life.

Please note that the black text shows symptoms as of July 2009, the red text shows symptom changes as of October 2009, after first spinal adjustment from Dr. Mix-Stork at Stork Spinal Care, using the NUCCA method!

*Trouble reading road signs/fast food menus/printed material/Bible-only slight due to astigmatism.

*Eye pain with bright/fluorescent light-Pre-Fuchs sensitivity

*Burning/watering eyes-Much decreased

*Imaginary moving objects/shadows-While driving-Not assessed yet

*Imaginary moving objects/shadows-In the house-decreased or gone

*Watery eyes in AM-slight watering of rt eye only upon first awakening.

*Hazy vision in AM and lasting until late afternoon-Gone

* blurry vision in AM and lasting until late-Gone, except for slight, due to astigmatism.

*Swollen corneas-Gone

*Halos-around street lights and light bulbs-Much decreased

*Glare-night driving, computer screen, back lit objects & off metal objects-especially sun glaring off cars-Much decreased

*Dry Eyes-Dry, gritty and burning in afternoon/evening-Much decreased.

*Feeling of foreign matter in my eye and occasional feelings of sharp pain(like a prick) that quickly subsides. -Gone

Good News!

Well, I was sick on the 24th so I rescheduled for July 1st. So, today I went in for my eye appointment. Good news! My eyes have remained pretty stable since this time last year. So the saying, "prepare for the worst, expect the best" has done me well once again.

Dr. Grigg used a cool, new machine that takes an xray type image of your eye. I think it's actually a retna machine, but you can see all sorts of things and layers of the eye, if you know what to look for. haha Mine is a slightly blurry or hazy image due to the effects of the Fuchs on my cornea. The image is in color, too, or it can be changed to black and white! Awesome. Other than the Fuchs, my eyes are in good health. My prescription hasn't changed for my glasses, so I didn't have to get new ones. They only really work in the morning to early afternoon anyway. Once I get a thickness measurement, I'll know a little better how my eyes are actually doing regarding the Fuchs, but in the meantime I will thank God for His goodness to me and that I can still see the flowers in bloom (click on "flowers in bloom" to see a flower slide show) this summer!

I won't bore you with the details, but he explained how my eyes can be swollen from retaining fluids, yet still dry at the same time. Made a lot of sense to me.

Just so you all know, I would recommend Dr. Grigg and his office to anyone needing an optometrist. Even though he's not a corneal specialist or opthomologist, he recognized right away that I may have Fuchs and referred me to a specialist for my second opinion. He has taken extra time and care with me and my specific situation. He truly cares about his patients. He's even been on my blog to read up on how I'm doing and that says a lot in this age of in-and-out doctors where they try to see as many patients as they possibly can with the least amount of time and care possible. Anyway, click on his name, this blog title or on the link in my Helpful Links list to go to his website. He and his wife are actually both doctors there. It's kinda funny because I see the Mr. and my husband sees the Mrs. So, you'll have to ask my husband what he thinks of her, but I would have to guess that she's just as caring about her patients as her husband.

With our summer so busy, I am looking at August or September to go see the corneal specialist. I'll update when I get that appointment set.

Appointment

I now have an appointment with my regular eye doctor on Wednesday the 24th. at 9:20am. Now, to coordinate with my husband, a date for a trip to the corneal specialist/surgeon about 4 hours away...

What is unseen

*A personal note: Let me begin this post by speaking to those of you who've committed to praying for me on a daily basis. Your prayers uplift and encourage me and are appreciated more than you could possibly know. Who knows where I'd be without your love, prayers, and support. So, thank you, from the bottom of my heart!


The month of May has come and gone and I haven't gone in for my eye check-up. I know, shame on me. I have good reasons, but not good excuses. I suppose the biggest reason is that I don't really want to know or think about how my eyes are doing. Is ignoring it really a coping mechanism or is it trusting the Lord? Am I just doing what needs to be done each day, the best that I can, in spite of the state of my vision? I hope so.

I believe that sometimes it's easier to just keep going along and not really think about my eyes much, other than the day to day inconveniences they cause me. Each morning I put in my eye drops, knowing that it's taking longer for my foggy vision to clear up, and that eventually it won't clear up at all and I'll need a corneal transplant; two of them. I find the more I think about it, the more my focus is on me instead of God and that hinders me from doing what I should be doing for Him. The irony is that a big part of what I do as a profession and to glorify Him is dependant on my vision. The truth is, each day I'm very aware of my eye problems. My vision, or rather lack of good vision is effecting my business and life more and more and I'm keenly aware of that fact on a daily basis, whether I admit it to myself or not. I've tried to stop talking about it to my family, since there's nothing they can do but pray, there's no reason to burden them with the details; although, I am forced to enlist their help at times to read a street sign or tell me if my image is in sharp focus or not. (here's where money for a camera/lens upgrade would be extremely helpful. Yet another miracle I'm praying for.)

Sometimes I think, "I'm tired of taking pictures." Yet, I know that I love taking pictures and I am not tired of taking them. I think the problem lies more with the struggle of straining to focus, the eye pain and fatigue from the glare of the bright sun or computer monitor, etc... I think I'm just tired of dealing with my eyesight. There's a struggle that goes on with each step of the process of my photography, and life in general, for me. Sometimes I get very frustrated! Sometimes I get mad! Sometimes I get the "poor me's." Yet, what Christ suffered for me is so far beyond what I think of as suffering. I can, after all, still see! Praise the Lord! The pain I have with my eyes (& other parts of my body) are nothing compared to the pain Christ was willing to suffer for me. Wow, I'm such a whiner, hu? What right do I have to complain?

So, speaking of Christ, where does my faith come into all of this? What do I know of God? I know He loves me. I know He sent His Son to die for me. I know He has a plan for my life. I know that His plan is perfect. I know that plan is for my good. I know God is able to heal me. I know that healing may not be in His perfect plan for me. I know He expects me to trust Him. I know He expects me to serve Him. I know He expects me to obey Him. I know He expects me to glorify Him. I could go on and on with this list.

Here's a scripture passage that encouraged me today...

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 "Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

Dear Lord,

Please give me strength to face each daily task and help me to not grow weary of the many struggles that come my way. May the eternal glory you're achieving in me shine bright for others to see. May each image I take point others to you through the glory of your creation. As I await your healing, whether on earth or in heaven, may your plan be completed in me and may this sinful servant be found faithful in your sight, no matter what you choose to do with mine. May the lessons I learn on this journey help me to encourage others going through similar situations in this life. In everything, may your will be done. In Jesus precious name, Amen

So, it would seem that my biggest reason for not going to the eye doctor is fear. Not a good reason. Okay, okay, I'll make an eye appointment! Sheesh.

"The Latest..."

I haven't done an update yet this year, so here goes...

I think my eyes are pretty much on a slow decline, but I will find out for sure in May since that's my next check up. It is getting increasingly hard to do what I love to do, take pictures outdoors.

I'm so thankful for my digital camera and it's autofocus capabilities, which can sometimes be a lifesaver for me. It can also fail me, though and then it's frustrating to see that it lost focus and what I thought would be nice sharp images, weren't. I'm hoping to upgrade my camera to one with a larger LCD screen, which will be helpful.

I'm having to wait longer in the day to do certain things and even then, there are things that don't come into full focus for me. That was the case with my last update, and I'm not sure how much worse it is now, than then.

My headaches are more frequent, especially set off by bright light or too much time on the computer.

So, I will just keep on keeping on and doing what God wants me to do. Love and serve Him. I guess that's all for this update.

"Fickle Fuchs"

Fuchs is often referred to as fickle Fuchs because the symptoms can be so unpredictable and vary so much person to person. The disease typically begins progressing in a person's 60's or later, but there are teenagers who present with symptoms. It is genetic, but some people never have any symptoms at all, while other family member's progresses to the point where corneal transplants are necessary or blindness will ensue.

It is also fickle within each person. The fluctuation and changes in my eyes on a daily basis are amazing. Some mornings things look very foggy and others...not so much. Some mornings my eyes are VERY watery, and others...not so much. Some mornings my eyes are VERY sensitive to light and others...not so much. Some mornings I can read from my large print Bible, other mornings...not so much. Some mornings my sight clears up pretty well by noon or early afternoon, some days...not so much.

I really don't have days where I can go outdoors without my dark sunglasses anymore; at least not without my eyes watering and burning really bad and hurting and getting a migraine. This makes it hard to do photography sometimes. There are days where I must wear my sunglasses indoors, as well, especially if the lighting is flourescent. Some stores are really painful on my eyes.

Some days even with my eye drops they don't ever totally clear up, now. That's normal as the disease progresses. It takes longer and longer for them to clear as the corneal swelling goes down until enough cells die that they cannot dry up and the fog, and watering and poor eyesight continue and blindness is eminent unless a corneal transplant or divine healing happens. That's just the nature of this beast. I won't mention the painful breaking blisters that come along with that extra retention in the cornea because that will get me down unnecessarily. I may not have to get to that stage, and I'm not there now. So, I will not borrow trouble from tomorrow.

"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life." Matthew 6:26-27

God instructs me not to worry. He loves me and will take care of me no matter what happens. I am very valuable to Him. (I know I just quoted these verses in the last post, but they are very special to me and God keeps bringing them to my mind and comforting my heart with them.)

Since there's only so much I can do about my eyes and symptoms, I will just keep taking advantage of my good days and rely on my audio Bible and such the other days. I will continue to trust the Lord and do His work as I wait on Him.

"Finally spoke with the Corneal Specialist"

Today I finally got a call from the corneal specialist that had been recommended to me by someone whose transplant was done by him. From looking over my chart from my eye Dr, he doesn't seem to think that I'm quite ready for the transplant, yet, unless my vision deteriorates a lot in the next year. He says that my Dr. can still get my eyes to 20/20 with glasses. He can't see what I see, though, so I'm not so sure I agree with him. On the other hand, he hasn't seen me for himself and I still don't have a corneal thickness reading.

He says that the full transplant will make my cornea an irregular shape, like a football at least, but sometimes even more severely distorted. He said that sometimes a hard corrective lens is needed after the surgery. (I already have astigmatism, but only slight) He also said that it usually causes near or far sightedness, which I don't have right now, and would need glasses or corrective lenses for that.

He told me a bunch more about Fuchs that I already knew, but I listened to see how knowledgeable he is about it. He seems to really know what he's talking about, or at least confirm most of what I already was able to find out through research and my online support group.

He seems to think because I am a photographer, I should not rush into the surgery too soon as my vision may be worse than it is now and harder to correct. I guess I'll keep tracking my symptoms and be in prayer about it.

"Fuchs Corneal Swelling and diet"

I wonder...if diet can affect corneal edema in "fuchies." (aka: people who have Fuchs.) Or, at least for me because I'm also a Celiac (aka: someone who's allergic to wheat gluten) and tend to retain water everywhere when I eat wheat. So, maybe it makes my even my Fuchs symptoms worse when I cheat and eat wheat...as I did yesterday. You see, I'm having a bad vision day today and yesterday I ate not just wheat gluten, but also salty foods...leading to water retention. It does make logical sense and would explain why some days I wake up with very little corneal swelling and very little watery eyes and other days I awaken to a very hazy house and very watery eyes. Hmmmmmmmm. I wonder...

#1 "Diagnosis..."

It still seems unreal to me that this blog is even necessary...but it is. Let me start at the beginning...

Two years ago this May, my two daughters and I went to the eye Dr. for a routine visit. Just a check-up to make sure things were fine. Maybe get a new pair of glasses for myself or try contact lenses or both. Well, they ended up asking if we wanted a digital photograph taken of our eyes. I wasn't going to since it was $12 each and not something the insurance normally covered, but something made me decide to do it anyway. When the Dr. showed us the photos on the monitor of each of our eyes, I (being a photographer) noticed that mine looked blurry and soft while the girls' photos looked sharp and clear. I asked, "Why does my photo look so hazy?" He said he would talk to me about mine after we look at the girls'. I didn't really hear much after that except something about my daughter needing glasses until some muscles were strengthened. All sorts of things went through my mind, but I was still not prepared to hear his words regarding my eyesight. He told me he thought I had a rare, degenerative corneal eye disease, called Fuchs' Endothilial Corneal Dystrophy. It could someday cause blindness. Sometimes it happens sooner and sometimes later, sometimes faster and sometimes slower, but not to worry about it right now. He suggested I go to a specialist to get a second opinion and confirmation and he'd check them again in a year to see if there were any changes.

I went home kind of shell-shocked. I didn't really know how to process what he told me, and I can't say now just how I responded since it is all a vague memory now and I wasn't thinking straight. I do know that I called my husband and told him the strange news, made an appointment with the specialist and called my pastor for prayer suppport. I also spent time in prayer, trying to maintain, while I awaited the upcoming appointment.

The day of the appointment came and it was confirmed. I did have this mysterious disease in my eyes. I then went home and began to grieve for something I'd not yet lost. I thought about grandkids I'd never see, my own dear family, the sunsets and landscapes, thought about what it would mean to live in a dark world. Being blind has always been one of the worse things I could imagine. After a realistic amount of time spent in tears, I moved on to depression and proceeded to anger and fear and frustration with those that didn't share my emotions over the diagnosis and all of the other emotions associated with the grief process. I felt alone.

Then, there came a moment in time where I again got on my knees, placed all of it at the foot of Jesus and began to get back to "life as usual." I knew that God could heal me of this disease, and I trusted Him to do what was best for me. I also knew that nothing would change by worrying about and dwelling on it. In the meantime, I began to look into dietary helps, vitamins and other things that may possibly help, as well.

Some may say that giving it to God and moving on was a type of denial about the illness. I disagree. I do; however, think that it caused me to miss some of the signs that the disease was progressing. It's not that I had forgotten about it, but it wasn't something I thought about on a daily basis...it was definitely on the back burner.