The month of May has come and gone and I haven't gone in for my eye check-up. I know, shame on me. I have good reasons, but not good excuses. I suppose the biggest reason is that I don't really want to know or think about how my eyes are doing. Is ignoring it really a coping mechanism or is it trusting the Lord? Am I just doing what needs to be done each day, the best that I can, in spite of the state of my vision? I hope so.
I believe that sometimes it's easier to just keep going along and not really think about my eyes much, other than the day to day inconveniences they cause me. Each morning I put in my eye drops, knowing that it's taking longer for my foggy vision to clear up, and that eventually it won't clear up at all and I'll need a corneal transplant; two of them. I find the more I think about it, the more my focus is on me instead of God and that hinders me from doing what I should be doing for Him. The irony is that a big part of what I do as a profession and to glorify Him is dependant on my vision. The truth is, each day I'm very aware of my eye problems. My vision, or rather lack of good vision is effecting my business and life more and more and I'm keenly aware of that fact on a daily basis, whether I admit it to myself or not. I've tried to stop talking about it to my family, since there's nothing they can do but pray, there's no reason to burden them with the details; although, I am forced to enlist their help at times to read a street sign or tell me if my image is in sharp focus or not. (here's where money for a camera/lens upgrade would be extremely helpful. Yet another miracle I'm praying for.)
Sometimes I think, "I'm tired of taking pictures." Yet, I know that I love taking pictures and I am not tired of taking them. I think the problem lies more with the struggle of straining to focus, the eye pain and fatigue from the glare of the bright sun or computer monitor, etc... I think I'm just tired of dealing with my eyesight. There's a struggle that goes on with each step of the process of my photography, and life in general, for me. Sometimes I get very frustrated! Sometimes I get mad! Sometimes I get the "poor me's." Yet, what Christ suffered for me is so far beyond what I think of as suffering. I can, after all, still see! Praise the Lord! The pain I have with my eyes (& other parts of my body) are nothing compared to the pain Christ was willing to suffer for me. Wow, I'm such a whiner, hu? What right do I have to complain?
So, speaking of Christ, where does my faith come into all of this? What do I know of God? I know He loves me. I know He sent His Son to die for me. I know He has a plan for my life. I know that His plan is perfect. I know that plan is for my good. I know God is able to heal me. I know that healing may not be in His perfect plan for me. I know He expects me to trust Him. I know He expects me to serve Him. I know He expects me to obey Him. I know He expects me to glorify Him. I could go on and on with this list.
Here's a scripture passage that encouraged me today...
2 Corinthians 4:16-18 "Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."
Please give me strength to face each daily task and help me to not grow weary of the many struggles that come my way. May the eternal glory you're achieving in me shine bright for others to see. May each image I take point others to you through the glory of your creation. As I await your healing, whether on earth or in heaven, may your plan be completed in me and may this sinful servant be found faithful in your sight, no matter what you choose to do with mine. May the lessons I learn on this journey help me to encourage others going through similar situations in this life. In everything, may your will be done. In Jesus precious name, Amen
So, it would seem that my biggest reason for not going to the eye doctor is fear. Not a good reason. Okay, okay, I'll make an eye appointment! Sheesh.